Assuming: Why Guesswork Creates Misunderstanding
We all make assumptions. It’s human nature to believe we know how a situation will play out or how someone will react.
But when we lean too heavily on guesswork, we often step into conversations and relationships with scripts already in our minds.
Instead of bringing clarity, this habit creates anxiety, misunderstandings, and unnecessary distance.
What Are Assumptions?
Assumptions are beliefs formed without full information. They may happen in the moment — during a conversation — or in anticipation of something yet to come. In both cases, we’re guessing, and that guess shapes how we show up.
The Hidden Costs of Assuming
Anxiety and worry: We play out imagined scenarios, which keeps us from being present.
Blocked listening: Instead of truly hearing, our minds race ahead, scripting responses.
Defensiveness: When reality doesn’t match our script, we often react with frustration or hurt.
Loss of compassion: Assumptions filter today’s interactions through yesterday’s experiences or wounds.
A Personal Story
When I moved to the Netherlands, I assumed my family would share my excitement. Instead, their reactions were mixed — some worried, some sad. I felt stunned and defensive, trying to convince them instead of giving them space to process. Reflecting later, I realised I had overlooked their feelings, expecting them to follow the script I had already written in my mind. (full story in This Week’s Discussion, find link below)
This experience taught me that assumptions not only create misunderstandings, but also rob us of compassion, patience, and joy.
Planning vs. Assuming
It’s important to notice the difference:
Planning is conscious. We prepare for a job interview or rental application, and it builds confidence.
Assuming is unconscious speculation. It narrows perspective, fuels anxiety, and limits freedom — for ourselves and for others.
The Impact on Relationships
When we approach life defensively, chaos often follows. Assumptions remove the freedom for authentic reactions, block surprise, and foster miscommunication. Over time, this weakens our ability to connect openly and compassionately with others.
Closing Reflection
Assumptions are easy to make but costly to keep. By softening our grip on guesswork, we create space for genuine connection, compassion, and surprise — the very things that enrich our relationships and bring us back to the present moment.
Explore This Week’s Free Resources
🎥 Watch This Week’s Discussion on 🔗 YouTube or Listen on 🔗 Spotify
✏️ To help you recognise when you are assuming, 🔗 Download the journalling worksheet
🧘 Follow the Guided Meditation, 🔗 Listen on YouTube or on 🔗 Spotify
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